Netflix & Cheats
Winter is the ultimate season for binge-watching anything on our Apple TV. With sub-zero wind chills blowing outdoors, the thought of staying in our my apartment, lying in our sofa, wrapped in our cotton candy-like comforter, and watching hours and hours of video content is just sublime.
Last night, however, I casually revealed to Sheryl that I’ve seen and loved the pilot episode of Netflix’s female wrestling series Glow as part of the voting process for last year’s Emmys and I recommended that we should watch it next.
I am a voting member of the Television Academy and one of my duties is to watch boxes and boxes of DVDs and Blurays from television networks like NBC, HBO, ABC, Netflix, Amazon, FX, and Showtime containing episodes of series that they submit for Emmy awards consideration. Then based on the strengths of their entries, members are asked to nominate and then later on vote in various categories that are relevant to my peer group.
Anyway, going back to last night, my casual revelation wasn’t received with much enthusiasm. In fact, she kind of got annoyed.
“You saw it without me?” She said as her lips transformed from the shape that is made whenever people say the word “me” to a stern pout that was menacing. Her eyes squinted and her ears began to turn red. My hands shook and I dropped the Apple TV remote on the floor. It didn’t shatter but it did break the cold, eerie tension that permeated the apartment the second I uttered my ill calculated revelation.
“Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that earlier. But yes, I had to watch it. You know, for the Emmys,” I said.
She stood up. Tossed her hair back and slowly walked away from me. “Are you ok?” I asked. “What’s going on?”
She stopped on her tracks and spun slowly towards me. Then she gave a me a look that sent chills down my spine “You saw it last year and you’re telling me this now?”
I tried to come up with some explanation. But my tongue had shrunk into utter uselessness. I made an awful nervous sound instead. “Ehhhhbchr.”
“If I cannot trust you with a series like Glow, how can I trust you with the final season of Game of Thrones?” She said.
Oh, that won’t happen with GOT, you know that! I will never watch an episode by myself!” I responded. “I made that promise to you right after season 2.”
She clenched her jaws.
“Did you watch the trailer that came out last Sunday?” She asked.
“Did you?” I said with a nervous laugh because stupid me, I did. I saw someone post it on Twitter and I got too excited so I clicked and watched. It was an awesome trailer.
“How dare you ask me that?” She said, her voiced now raised a few decibels. “You know I can’t do that to you!”
I sat still. This is not good, I thought. I am about to die.
“DID. YOU. WATCH. THE. TRAILER?” She said putting enormous stress on every word.
I was prepared to admit that I did but then there was a knock on our door.
“Pizza delivery!” I said. “Hunny, it’s your favorite pizza! Ham, cheese, and pineapple!”
I opened the door and took the pie from the delivery guy. I gave him a tight and meaningful hug. Then I handed over a thick stack of dollar bills, which amounts to the biggest tip I ever gave a food server. Then I whispered: “Thank you.”
The pizza guy ran away in confusion and possibly fear.
I closed the door and walked back into our living room hoping that she’d forgotten about my transgression. She was there sitting on the couch, Apple TV remote in her hand.
“Tonight,” she began. We will watch Bird Box together.”
I was elated. I let out a sigh of complete relief. “Of course! Anything you want! Your pizza is here too. It’s your favorite!”
But something wasn’t right. In her hand was a handkerchief. She also flashed a sinister grin.
“We will watch Bird Box together but you will be blindfolded.”